i dont know whats wrong with me. Issit because im purely stupid or what? I'm just suddenly so tired i dont know why. I know i shouldn't be giving up, i shouldn't be feeling this way. But.. what else more can i do? That everyday routine i was so used to, that daily habit of waking up early. Suddenly, it just seems like nothing more than a mere memory that will never pay off, im just disgusted at the reality of this world.

I'm forced to live this life because of the way the whole world revolves, &yet when i start to get into the state of things, it never works out. &this feeling really sucks. That crashing moment of knowing the result was really heartaching, i was really really really speechless, mind blanked out, &suddenly, my emotions all started coming in.

The continuous effort that doesn't pay off, i'm really very disheartened. It did not happen just once that brought me to this current state of total numbness. The next round, everything just dropped dead on me &i dint even care anymore. Ive disappointed many &i don't think i can ever give them the chance to be proud again.

For now, i guess. Life sucks.Thanks steady for that message though(:

edited/} i dont know why, i suddenly have that urge to stop talking. &some are saying i seem easily irritable nowsdays. i guess, maybe they are right, i am.
everytime i think about it, i feel like crying, but what more can i do but blame myself.