sleep deprived.

im damn tired now. like not enough sleep ttm. i should go& sleep. tomorrow morning still need to go down early, final step. afterthat i can finally be properly rested. byebye.

different perspectives

it wasnt really a good day afterall. but at least im okay now.
i hope i'll be able to go down later, i want to at least be thr.

that im better off on my own.

i havent blogged for like a few days.

Anyway lessons are really a drag cos i cant catch up on my work at all. I cant wait for Thursday when the J1s come in, cos it's gonna be pretty fun :) Even though its mostly admin stuffs. But heck, the camp's gonna be bloody awesome.

Thr's mass dance practice tomorrow after school at 6. idk what time it's gonna end. Poor bestf will just have to wait for me to finish before we go for dinner ^^ chitchat time!! :D yayyyyyy i think tomorrow's gonna be a good day.

I got damn awesome friends la seriously. Cant stand it.
&outta my life you go. I can't be bothered w whatever that's going anymore. (Y) I just want to score well for my A's and get my ass outta this school.

I SHALL LOG OFF NOW AND GO DO MY READING LOGS PLUS TRY STUDY BIT OF VECTORS. HOPEFULLY IT'LL WORK :D

pieces

I tried to be perfect

But nothing was worth it

I don’t believe it makes me real

I thought it’d be easy

But no one believes me

I meant all the things I said

If you believe it’s in my soul

I’d say all the words that I know

Just to see if it would show

That I’m trying to let you know

That I’m better off on my own

This place is so empty

My thoughts are so tempting

I don’t know how it got so bad

Sometimes it’s so crazy

That nothing can save me

But it’s the only thing that I have

If you believe it’s in my soul

I’d say all the words that I know

Just to see if it would show

That I’m trying to let you know

That I’m better off on my own

On my own

I tried to be perfect

It just wasn’t worth it

Nothing could ever be so wrong

It’s hard to believe me

It never gets easy

I guess I knew that all along

If you believe it’s in my soul

I’d say all the words that I know

Just to see if it would show

That I’m trying to let you know

That I’m better off on my own

&& i never stole another chance again.

I THINK I SHOULD SLAP MYSELF IN THE HEAD FOR BEING SO EASILY DISTRACTED. BUT ANYWAY I THINK I SHOULD GO AND STUDY FOR ECONS NOW & OWN THE SHITASS OUT OF EVERYBODY [ HAHAHHA KIDDING] BUT I SERIOUSLY FORGOT EVERYTHING ABOUT ECONS ALREADY. & THR'S PHYSICS TO BE DONE OMG KILL ME.

oh i hope tomorrow can go eat dessert ^^ :D
Anyway if can't it's okay, i'll go on Saturday wheeeeeee~

edited/}
apparently it's already 7 when i told myself i'll start work at 7. WTH.
& IT'S 7.10 NOW KILL ME.
endedit/}

&thats the way love's used.

"Love is a word that is often overused. When someone says “I love those shoes” they don’t literally mean they “love” the shoes. They just like them. Our generation has told too many people “I love you” People say it like it’s nothing. Just something that you are “supposed” to say. It begins to lose it’s true meaning. No one understands what love really means until they meet that one person that you want to be with every second of everyday. The one person that could make you fall apart. The person that can control your mood. The person that if they died you wouldn’t know how you were going to go on. The person that can make you smile when you want to cry. The person that no matter how much they have hurt you, you still want them, and couldn’t imagine being without them. The person that when just IMAGINING who they have been with and what they have done with them could just bring tears to your eyes. Some people mistake that if you love someone that everything has to be perfect with them. That you will never fight, never argue. No. That’s just appears to be love, and what we want to believe is love. When you love someone you are with them through the thick and thin, the good and the bad. So when using the word “love” think about it. Don’t just say it because you think it’s the right moment to say it, or because you think you are supposed to say it."

Hahhahaa, true much??

But anyway i really love my friends.
Simple things like showing concern for my grandmother today after they knew what happened the day before felt good. Because honestly yesterday i was damn freaked out. At least those that knew cared :}

& i think i really need to start a resolution to kick my phone aside. How the hell did i reach my 7k target again even w Bangkok + OBS?? shit.

It's like never before.

It's only the Second week of school, But why do i feel like i'm already dying. I need to catch up on my work, but i'm still blogging here. I kinda want to turn time back to cca showcase, because at least school had yet to start, at least i still felt gr8 being back in ahs.

On a side note, i realised something pretty amazing. The times i start would be the times i ended lol. Debra should understand what i mean by that. &anw my message counter looks scary now. I haven't done this since like 9 months ago omg.

trynots.

I just want to say that thr's this really inexplicable feeling within me.
& it's not the weird feeling i described to zixiang the other day. It's this really strange feeling that's stirring within me. okaaaaaay this is really weird....

Another lesson learnt.

Today's yet another thought inspiring day.

OGL training today was unbelievably fun, &greatly enriching. I must say it's a training i've never experienced before, because even with the fun that's going on apt lessons were learnt. It's pretty amazing even a simple action of sitting down/ standing up can learn so much more from it.

Honestly i especially liked the game of Customs& Smugglers. It wasn't much, but somehow it was yet another lesson learnt, which impacted me kinda greatly.

He posed us this question regarding our attitude in life when we face difficult situations.
1. Would you choose to take a step forward, take a risk to solve the problem, despite knowing that thr might be even more problems appearing.
2. Would you choose instead to stay behind, & take the more passive stand, choosing to hide from everything & hope for things to solve by itself.

Logically speaking, number 1 would be the right answer. But honestly, how many people would dare to choose number 1? Imo, i know myself well enough that i would choose the 2nd option instead. Because i've been somebody who has always been so cowardish/indecisive, so to me taking a passive stand was the best way out. However as i think through it again, indeed i should never have chosen the 2nd option in anything i've dealt w, cos it just shows the cowardly side of my character. It's time for me to learn that running away's never the option/ choice to take :)

Okay, yet another reflective post.
To readers : thr's another post in the other space as well ;)

To love is to love w all your heart, w all your soul, w all your mind & w all your strength.

I realised this space is for my happy thoughts + reflections, &the other space is for my not-so-happy thoughts. &i've been like blogging in both blogs everyday, zai (Y) this means i have been really having superrrrrbly huge emotional rollercoasters.

Anw, i talked to SiHuiJie today (L). She brought me back on track, & taught me so many more things, bringing to my mind the verse above as the subject [not word for word though]. She told me her pov, &i think it's sensible. One hasn't learnt to love if they do not understand that loving means to keep your heart to only one, &to make sacrifices for one another.

Besides that she also taught me that everything must have a closure. Closures & burying things are two completely different issues. &now that a close has been ensured, it'll be great :)

She questioned me about my faith as well. Now within my mind, i'm wondering if i'm willing to commit into this relationship w Him. I have been one who has always been afraid of commitments, because i know fully well that the moment i get into commitments i'll be sunk in, deep. To commit for me, is a lifelong thing. &Therefore i always have like triple, quadruple thoughts about commitments. But anyhow, i've been given time to think. So yes, i shall think. Because He loved me first unconditionally & now it's my decision whether to do so too.

What a reflective post indeed.

&She's right as well, i should not be running away. I have to face everything that comes my way. Because running away merely hides things &does not solve things :)

lovelovelove^^

Specially dedicated to C.

不要放弃拥有快乐的权利,努力去寻找自己的幸福.

omg love this :)

__________________________________________

Chelsia i love your post on your blog! [if thr was a like function, i will like it like 10000000000000000000000000000 times] I'm so sorry i saw it soo late, like 2 days laaaate. Cos apparently i havent been blog hopping much. But anyway, thanks for everything as well. You were amazing and will carry on being amazing. Honestly, idk how i could have gotten past this period without your help, without the help of everybody around. You have been the one who gave me advice when i always seem to be stuck, you have been the one whom i know i'll always be able to trust, &you are gonna be a friend i know i'll never ever forget. Because i know for one thing, that even if anything happens, you'll definitely be thr for me, just like how a true friend will be. (L) I know you have been pretty upset as well, but no worries like you said. Just carry on reading the bible because God works wonders!! PTL!!! ^^ At least that's what you've taught me :) Things keep popping up now &then because of idk what but everything's gonna be okay. I believe you'll be great as well. :*

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH TOO!!!! :) :} :] :D :>

A sense of true distaste.

i think im so dead. i got physics test on Friday, & i havent study. If i fail kena kick out of OGL. sian ttm. & i got homework not done also. wth am i doing online.

Wilson gave me this, niceyyy :)

everything's going to be alright,
tomorrow will be a better day,
tomorrow will be fine.
The birds will sing in major keys,
and their tunes will turn the tides.
Smile, because you know your loved ones are safe and sound;
even when they aren't by your side.
Smile, because you have the ability to feel and love,
Smile, because you know that you are loved.
Smile, because you know that it'll make someone's day brighter,
Smile, because you know you can make the difference.
Things may seem so unfair when it doesn't go your way,
but fret not; cos everything's going to be just fine.
No one knows how long we'll have to wait,
but it'll come.So for now,
smile till time loses its patience and that's when you know it's worth the wait

SHOW LIFE YOU BIGGEST BIGGEST SMILE YO:D

im just tired of this controversy

shifted.
if you're a friend ask me & i'll tell. I'm switching browsers, no more blogger.

The old blog's gonna be locked completely now.

edited/}

On second thoughts, i might be posting here still. I still like blogger better. But the other one's gonna remain as a private blog, friends only :)

endedit/}

it could be a sweet dream, or a beautiful nightmare.

Okay it's gonna be a damn random post here, because it's gonna be my last one in a really long time.

DebraPeh is amusing me like hell lol. She's damn funny omgz. Somehow we were talking about plants. Then i told her a story that someone once told me before, her reaction got me laughing like shiatz in front of the screen. But aint gonna post it here, because it'll show our stupidity.

Today i visited Grandma. I heard my cousin cried, then my heart wrenched daaaamn painfully. She's even yellower, and lost like so much weight. kayz, shant talk bout it.

I skipped cell outing today. Went to study instead. &if i went it'll be pretty weird because it's all guys. & anyway my mother would have murdered me if i went, because i've been playing waaaaay too much.

Keane's getting his promotion results tomorrow. If he's promoted, he's gonna play in the under21 category (Y) My bestiewestie damn zai lol. Hope he's gonna be promoted. Then maybe can help the team. That's the whole reason why i helped anw.

I AM GOING TO DIE LA WAHLAU MY HOMEWORK NOT DONE I AM SCREWED LIKE MAD. IM SO DEAD & ITS LIKE 1120 NOW I AM STILL USING COMPUTER WHAT AM I THINKING. IM EVEN TALKING TO DEBRAPEH ABOUT TOES OMG LOL WTH. TIME TO SLEEP BYE FOR A LONG TIME AFTER THIS.

If being happy's a sin, that's a sin i aint gonna regret.

My feelings &emotions now: happiness/exhaustion/ dilemma

Today was a pretty okay day i guess :)
CCA Orientation mood's sucks again. No atmosphere no nothing, just wanted to see how the girls did. No comments but seriously omg...

Anyway Debra, Chelsia, Sheena &me went back for our batch. Jieting &MinHui as well. But Chelsia's a traitor cos she's in BB uniform hahaha. BB side had alota people back. &They were amusing us quite abit. I think the part after the official orientation when they started jamming was like the best (Y) LOL.

Headed for dinner with the 4Dgb girls :D

Okay, im like damn tired now lol. But i'm like torn apart because i can't decide about Sunday/ tomorrow.
Should i go, should i go??
Tomorrow's an easier choice-dimsum buffet so daaaamn ex lei wahlau. But i feel like going ermerm. Sunday's difficult hahaha. Debra just got so amazed at me.
_______________________________________
#2692, debra:D very very very very heavy eyelids says:
HAHAHAHA
MESSAGE
MESSAGE
MESSAGE
u have to face this sooner or later

audrey hwaiting! says:
i dont feel like touching my phone lei hahaha
DEBRA ARE YOU AMAZED
i acty said that LOL

#2692, debra:D very very very very heavy eyelids says:
HAHAHAHA
OMG WHAT IS WRONG WITH U>?!
_________________________________________

Just now YiYang said he wanted to come &talk kok w me when he saw me in school hahaha. Somehow when he said that i kinda smiled lol. Because it felt good that my old friends acty bothered to find out how im doing :)

feelings are what makes up a person's thoughts.

Such an old photo, but such fond memories :) luvluv.

Today was an awesome day out till night. Supposed to meet Sheena &Vc @eHub's coffee bean, 10. But i forgot to do Sheena's card, so i stayed home to complete it. [My card making skills, still cmi hahaha i need to start buying little decorative materials once in awhile] In the end, i reached 3 hours late lol (Y).

We nua-ed + studied at Coffee Bean's, Chelsia came to join us for awhile before she headed of for onenine chalet. Saw like super alota people at eHub's, tpjc+ahs.

Afterthat vagdaks excluding grace reached, so we headed for nihon mura!! :) Eat, talk, catch-up w one another :] (L). Jervin came to find me midway also, cos he was on the way~~ lol! Anw Grace reached &we went over to some place @downtown's to sit + talk again :}
Headed home after @11.

I'll say it was a simple day, v simple :)
But it's days like these, that make you start to appreciate your friends around you- for what they are, for what they do. Even simple things like coming over to say Hi, to send you a text to tell you what they feel, it makes you feel v much appreciated :B Even though Grace had to head down after her tiring training, she still came &that's one point worth thanking about :>
I really think that i've now changed & become a much better person :D

Tomorrow gonna go back ahs! :) I think thr's gonna be alot of people from my cohort going back as well, ohmy i love the orientation atmosphere.

time washes all emotions away.

This was my test, my experience. But now, it's just a memory.

awesome :)
today i had a gr8 day out. Airport, 18 Chefs after (L). Damn lazy to blog.

Tomorrow another whole day out again, gonna be at downtown ^.^
I really appreciate my friends.

edited/}
i was supposed to meet at 10, the time's 12.15 &im still home (Y).
endedit/}

cuz you'll be my lady

i want to post wedding dress on my blog :B
but then i caaaaaaaan't do copy&paste, wahlaaaaaaaau.
am gonna whine nonstop lol.



omg, i succeeded :D :D :D :D
heheh, taeyang! :B

today i headed to Serangoon around afternoon :)
i dint complete my Maths because i was like so sick of doing McClaurin's in trigonometric functions la omg. Anw, it's the last 2 question alr. Think i'll complete it tomorrow :B Started on Physics like a teensy weensy bit hehheh. i think i lost my efield/ gfield notes, gg. It's somewhere in my cupboard, but which i aint v sure.

Anw, today, i found out things about _____. But i no longer have much link to that person, sad D: so thr's like no one to tell it too. I so kaypoh one laaaaaah lol.

Besides, today's Daddy's bday too :D
Poor daddy dint have his celebration because we're all working/ studying blahcrapz. i feel damn bad la, i think i wanna go get cufflinks for him as a bday gift. But my taste like quite shiatz, dont fit Daddy, hmm. okay, we'll see.

Tomorrow going airport to study!

times like this to be kept close within our heart.

Today was study day with soon, andy &dearie @cathay :)
I cant say it really worked out fine because i only did like 2 questions of Maths before we did story telling, fail :B I gotta make sure i finish Set1 by tomorrow, &start revising at least my physics D:

Anw, after story telling, we went to catch Avatar in 3D! Soon left first. Andy &me dint want to watch it cos the both of us watched it before alr. But deaaaaaaaarie, that tortoise havent &she insisted on catching it heheh. In the end another ten bucks flew away :O &Honestly i think not worth it lo o.o i rather spend the ten bucks on something else, like new clothes!lol.

Headed of for dessert after movie! (Y) intro-ed awesome dessert to andy&jervin lol. but idk whether they like it, hmm... andy&jervin please leave a comment if you think it was good HAHA. Anw, after dessert, headed home :)

I liked today :) Because i caught up with friends i've been missing out on so dearly, &i think i've reached a huge accomplishment. As i thought through what has happened, i think i've really become way more matured emotionally. Those emotional outbursts i've been suffering from tired me out so badly, life was such a drag for me. I know you'll read this, i know you showed your concern through Fiona, i thank you for that. I'll say it frankly here. I havent got over you completely, but at least i aint brooding over what happened anymore. Because i know that thr's no point/purpose of doing so. &So i'm still progressing :) (L) myself sh0oo muchhiiex lol!

Tomorrow will be heading down to Serangoon :] i gonna explore a different route, but i think it's gonna take daaaaaaamn long. kayz, time to charge my ipood hahaha!

today and that day.

Somehow i kinda want to return to countdown party, it feels like thr's so much lesser things to think, to worry, to ponder about. But then again, i want time to fast forward too, weird.
_________________________________________

I headed down to tamp library today w zhiming &we created some shit "on" club crapz. I was laughing so hard, i cried la omgz. &Thr was this pervert that was watching porn in the library lol. &He was shouting vulgarities to scare people away hhahhaa, damn joke. The cleaner even more joke, she was like telling people to be careful but she was cursing away.
Havent been to the library for so long, it feels kinda nice 8) &thanks junh for coming down to help w my maths :D

Zhiming was whining like mad about being 20, every few seconds one f word came out.

Then it striked me quite badly, i'll be 18 this year, & i still look like im 14 lol. fail.
anw the thing is, i've gone through a whopping 18years of my life, half the time i probably dint even know what i was doing. &then this year, i'll be taking that exam which'll determine my footpath in the future, come to think of it, that's hell damn scary.
Idw to screw up this major exam because that'll mean another screwed major exam i've taken, besides O's. But, im afraid i'll take the step i took 2years ago during O's. i remember how dejected that period i was, how absurd it was for me to cry for the first 2-3 weeks of tpjc life. Idw to shift back into that shadow once more, so yes i really have to start working on my academics. No more time for affairs of the heart, just pure A's. That'll be my boyf for this year :)
Then after A's i'll start partying :D omggggggz, 8 months of pure partyinggggggg! caaaant wait!:B

okay, enough of the reflecting. i feel like sleeping :(

tomorrow i'll be hitting the books at Cathay :B [but i think i'll end up having my sinful dessert at plaza's D: come onnnnn, the dessert's (Y) heh.]

i'll go check out a few more vids on wedding dress, i seriously feel like learning the dance omg.

what sets you apart is ultimately your heart.

yesterday's studying drained me out so much, i couldnt do anything today :B i think i've really lost my momentum completely. after doing like 4-5 hours of merely maths ytd i dint even feel like touching my books today, fail much?

went out shopping earlier on :)

was planning on ion/fareast, but in the end headed down to bugis. i dint really expect myself to get anything because i thought it's reaaaaaaaaaally unlikely, but lo &behold i managed to get two items within a time difference of 5-10mins, awesome (Y) :D

i wanted to carry on, but somehow i dint bring enough moolah D: so headed back home after.

sheesh, im kinda getting hooked on "wedding dress" :B

&okay, taeyoung's really kinda good looking now that im observing properly HAHAHAHHAA.

bye :}

a new day, a new year.

mm, first post of 2010. what do i have to say..
i figured that i wanted to post about last night, i wanted to post about today, i wanted to post about my resolutions, i wanted to post like daaaaaaaaaaamn alot of things.
but.. i v lazy :O
&thr're no photos yet. chingying hasnt uploaded so it'll end up being a v dry post if i do post. (wth, im alr posting -.-)

okay, last night was (Y) seriously awesome lol. i was daaaaaamn freaking high like superbly high. the moment i settled down on the seat thr was this inexplicable happiness within me, idk how to say. it's just 'inexplicable'.

then the food came, games started lol. whole library gang sabo-ed each other until only boonkai &junhuang dint go up. chingying &me went up first to do the titanic shitz with some other guys. holy, i was laughing like i had fits la. but my partner was v zai i have to admit, i just kept laughing like mad lol.

before the actual countdown, thr was like some time left so the dj opened up the dance floor lol. funny la, it was supposed to be when 2010 reached. but anw, at that point of time it felt like 2010 was already thr, weird. actual countdown came. &somehow, when we were at the last 5 seconds, thr was this sadness within me. it's like weird... sadness that the year has indeed ended, &that it now opens up a new chapter of our life. hmm..

anw, afterthat the dance floor was opened up again. but this year's was like shiatz compared to last year's. i remember previously that everybody danced till the dj stopped it but this year, it ended before even the scheduled timing. & i was damn high still lol. stupid idiotz made me drink. the trip back i think bk &me were abit crazy or something. we dint seem to be making much sense hahaha.

okay, end of countdown party last night.
if you've made it here, not bad keep reading on lol.

today, i woke up like 11am. it's really late compared to my usual timing because nowadays i keep waking around 9 :o
spent the day at serangoon's.
first time travelling thr, & i did it quite quickly lol. many other routes available but i think the one i took today was the fastest. i've gotta do more exploring in the future. it's like you dk where you're exactly at, but you know wherever you are, you'll be safe. & it opens up my street directory in me hehheh, cool yo :D

okay, im kinda lazy to blog alr. &this post is like so detailed. i havent done sucha detailed one since maybe sec2/3. end post.