bye 2009, hello 2010! :D

QUICK POST.

TODAY'S THE LAST DAY OF 2009. I DINT WANT ANY REGRETS FOR WHATEVER I'VE DONE THIS YEAR, I CLEARED UP EVERYTHING YAY. I SO HAPPY NOW. ACTY I HAVE ALOT TO SAY, ALOT TO POST ABOUT BECAUSE I THINK I HAVE FINALLY STRAIGHTENED OUT EVERYTHING. BUT ANW, I FEEL LIKE DAMN AWESOME NOW HAHAHAHA.

JUST NOW I HAD THIS IMBA LONG TALK WITH BESTIEWESTIE AFTER CHURCH CAMP. I LIKE HOW WE'RE ABLE TO TALK EVEN THOUGH WE NEVER MEET UP FOR SO LONG HEHHEH. BESTIEWESTIE NO PROB MANZ (Y) THOUGH HE KEEP KP-ING ME HAHAHA. BUT ANW THAT'S SO MUCH LIKE THE OLD DAYS WHEN WE SAT NEXT TO EACH OTHER IN SEC4 :] KAYZ, HAPPY.

YTD NIGHT I TALK EVEN MORE, WITH SIHUIJIE &CHERYL. I LIKE I LIKE LOL. &EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED YTD TO TODAY, I THINK IT'S PLANNED. IT'S LIKE A REALIZATION FOR ME. ERM OKAY DK HOW TO SAY LA. I REALLY NOW V GOOD MOOD :D

SHALL GO PREPARE TO GO OUT LIAO, LAGUNA CLUB W AWESOME FRIENDS HERE I COMEEEEEEEEE (Y)
I DEDICATE MY 801 POST TO THE LAST DAY OF 2009.

you determine how your day goes.

post number 800! :)
& third day from 27th. i can do it :] hehheh.

today's gonna be pweeeeeeety packed, all the way. but i cant make it for dinner with bestiewestie D: so long never talk to him alr.

& i most probably wouldn't be online today anymore, so weirdddddd. nvm, i figured twitter's acty really quite a fun shitz to play with. so maybe i'll be tweeting :)

kayz, im supposed to meet dearie in 6 mins time, but omg i havent packed lol.

ciao.

a friend is one that leaves their footprints behind even after they leave.

i want to do a thankyou post hehheh, dk why :]
but i think i'll just pick a few significant ones (L).

@sihuijie
i'm pretty sure you wont see this, because acty i think nobody in our cell looks at this blog i think? not sure either. but anyway the talk today i had with you was amazing. you brought things out of your perspective which i've never seen before. & you're right, i shouldnt hold onto the unpleasant memories because it'll just hinder my growth. you told me you would love to see me grow in my faith, & honestly i think i've been a complete ass in my faith. but you let me see the unconditional love that God has given me throughout, even though i might have slid at times and so, i'm going to carry on burning my torch for Him.

@chelsia.
you were amazing throughout this entire process. for being thr for me, for picking me up when i fell down, for telling me to be firm on my stand, for simply being you :) i think we were never so close before this, &in fact i believe we became closer only after we left ahs, pity pity. anw, you said you wished that someone could tell you why you're special. i've told you, & trust me though i not v sure what i talking about, alot of others can tell you why you're special as well :D i like you for being so frank to me, for being able to point out my mistakes so easily for everything you've done. thaaaaaaaanks so much, loves (L).

@debrapeh.
it's funny the way you told me that VAGDAKS said the moment if anything happens you'd be the one that gonna get the worst out of it hahaha. & true enough, you really got the brunt of everything i think :O sorry for that omg. but anw, thanks still. for guiding me to walk out of everything, for being such an amazing wonderful bestfriend of mine. our anniversary 20th lei, hehhehheh. even after the times we quarrelled in ahs, stupid-seriously damn stupid. but you still never left me, &we became even closer than before. i cant believe what'll happen if you were not around, especially during those three days. the way you put it " ONE FOOT INTO HELL" lololol. still thanks thanks thanks baby. love you sooooooo much :D

@fionachia
dearie, i know you've been busy with your carolling and stuffs. but you still took time out for me, to talk to me, to be thr for me :) i haven't seen you for a really long time, but i'll do so tomorrow baby hehhehheh. you are still like before continually caring for others :D i know & i understand what you've been trying to say. but im a stubborn retard, that only holds on to what i feel is right. anw thing is i've been enlightened so yes, i'm great now. i'll tell you everything tomorrow, you were lovely throughout my dear. thanks for being such a wonderful friend throughout the year. i cant believe how it'll be like for me without you this year. :)

@sheenayi
faeces face!!!!! i know i usually dont tend to share stuffs with you lol. but anyway thanks for being my backup debz when she wasnt around. you are seriously not a bad listener hehhehehh. & you can start to become my loudhailer to deb now lol. change roles! thanks for listening la seriously, for acty even bothering to keep something like the ahemahem from me for so long, because you dint want to see me being sad. awww, shows how much i matter to you LOL. loves loves, you're still an amazing &wonderful bestf :)

@cheryl
last night you texted me telling me that you missed me, so sweet :D i miss you as well. & even though i haven't really been talking to you recently, no time &stuffs. im glad you acty know what's going on with my life even without me telling you, amazing! tomorrow i'll see you in church camp. we'll share, i know. &i think i can hear what you have to say. loves loves! :}

@keane
hello mr bestiewestie lol. though you are still like in the muddled mode, cos you totally have no idea on what's going on. you still kinda did your part by being thr for me. at least you replying my texts HAHAHAHA. &yeah, you're still showing your concern for me as a bestie la, heheheh. not bad, dint make the wrong choice.

@jervin
you funny guy joining me in the things that i was so annoyed about. anw, thanks for saying that you wanted to help, for like joining me in cursing HAHA. :) about the revenge thingy, i dont think i'll do it la, cos i received enlightenment LOL. but thanks for saying you wanna join hahaha. think you're the guy whom i can connect with best in class bah, on terms of xin1 shi4. i know you recently emo emo ttm, i received enlightenment, so i'll help you receive also :D

@zixiang
:B :B :B thanks thanks thanks, you're the one i want to thank to the ultimatez. you showed concern to me initially through chelsia la, idk whether it's kaypoh but HAHHA at least you cared :) thanks seriously for the ben&jerry's. that one was da bestz. cos i really dint expect you to acty deliver it to my house just because i wasnt in a good mood. &your hitler therapy (Y) lol. when i feel like shit nowadays, i know i can just like talk to you dk why but ya lol. &you always will say stuffs that kinda makes me feel better. thanks seriously omg :B beaver face! :)

@zhiming
hahaha, gay guy. thanks for talking to me and sharing to me your experience. nothing much to say la but i'll remember that line you said " when they go, they just go. "

okay, i think that's abourit that i can recall for now, end post!

three words to sum up life, it goes on.

this is post number 798.

today was a pretty alright day. i woke up superbly early because i was still damn dulan ttm. i slept at 2 and woke at 7 on a holiday, imba. i couldn't sleep any further because i was really hopping mad, even when i slept. i listened to faecesface advice on how to make myself sleep, worked know :) lovelove.

i headed down to downtown to study with faecesface today, at burger king 8) i did my rants than. come to think of it, everytime i recount my experience, the anger fades more&more. pretty soon, i'll be back the way i was.

i like talking to my friends, friends that i know i can trust even if the world comes apart.

tomorrow's gonna be a looong day. but i'm having breakfast tomorrow with sihuijie. i presume things would be set right than :] wednesday night, am meeting cheryl at church camp. shall talk through the night with her if mummy lets. thursday's gonna be countdown at laguna club, cant wait. :B

2009 was a pretty bad year, &i really hope 2010's gonna be better.

i learnt so many things this year, &i know that for one. i aint gonna spend my time on things that aint worth it.

suddenly i miss grandma again. &wtf, i feel like crying when i think of her.

why do things all have to happen at one go. i feel so vulnerable once more.

disrespect, utter disrespect.

i know i said i'll leave that post here. but lets see, thr aint any point in me polluting my blog because of something like that- no point at all :) plus, i remember chelsia telling me this a couple of days ago " be civil."
ahhhhhhhh, what a good way to put it. i will be civil so am deleting my post. but hang on, nope it doesnt delete the anger the disgust the cheat the disrespect the entire viewpoint of mine on this issue.
everything, & i mean EVERYTHING, all lies. how sweeeeeeet. :] love the way things are now know, that i'm finding out so many things at this point of time WHEN I HAVE MY GRANDMA TO BE WORRIED ABOUT. i've really got to hand it to you, yay :)

im considering shifting this blog but no point as well because the net's easy to locate sources. too easy.

oh i changed my password to the phone last night, because it's a memory that has to be deleted. a memory to be gone with the wind. hang on, did i say memory? i think i dont even remember something like that happening.

i've got a feeling, that tonight's gonna be a good night

finally uploaded the bangkk photos, though not much.

anyway, i managed to do both things today. catch a movie with library gang & visit grandma :)

bodyguards & assassins was (Y). but i think i was annoying the people around me hahaha. cos i have loads of sound effects when i watch movies. &damnit, it's like so pain the way they shot the film lol. especially when they started fighting, omgzzzz lol. i kept exclaiming like "omg pain, pain"

After movie, walked to far east. At far east dint manage to shop, i dont have the mood today anw. funny thing was while queueing for bubble tea, i spotted something :O i immediately chionged to check it out ^^ & come to think of it now, the scene was freaking hilarious. because after ordering bubble tea, i spot something. i drag zhiming along with me to check it out hahaha. jokejoke. he calls it "recce".

i shall check out the 'source' later, to see if it was really what i saw,hehhehheh.

In the end left them, headed to find grandma for dinner :]

uncles & cousins were all thr. we never managed to have a dinner out, unplanned before. in the end everybody just turned out to be free. we booked 3 tables like last minute :D so happy earlier on seriously. on the other hand, i saw how yellow grandma has become, how skinny she has changed to. heartached like mad seriously..

daddy says spend more time. i want i want.

it's funny how come i have so many major breakdowns recently. so many major happenings now. idk whether i'm strong enough to overcome them. but since it's already happened i have to go through it.

anw, mushroom head set a deadline together with me. i'll do it within a month. watch me, the next 27th, stronger than before.

anti climax, sylvia dint win singapore idol :( i want girl to get crowned la sian..

reflective.

quote chelsia:
“If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart.. I’ll always be with you.”
—Winnie the Pooh

damnit, i think i really got the runs :B hoping it's not ben&jerry's :O
i had a really weird dream last night, i need some dream deciphering person.

it's hard to pretend you're happy when you're not, but somehow i think i've got the hang of it. mushroomshapedhead is right, thr's no point appearing offline on msn. because i cant stop whatever comes. but.. i think appearing offline's fun :)i just contradicted myself, ttm.

dreams are one's secret fear.

out the whole day :B
& i finally caught avatar. but i dint manage to shop at all wahkaaaaaao. bring money never spend, annoyed ttm.

today eat kfc somemore. but shrooms la.

oh damn funny, i push the fitting door room, then cause others blueblack lolttm. revenge for making me bang into other people.

guessing people's name also damn funny. dk whats wrong, i keep laughing.

tomorrow suppose watch movie again, but then i keep going out will sian also. erm... see what mummy says tomorrow.
i want visit grandma.

i hope tonight no dream, no dream.
judging by the alternating pattern, tonight should be no have :] idw dream, i want peaceful sleep.

last night's dream so annoying- so real know. but then ah, wont happen. &better dont happen.

i just join this facebook group that i saw from the suggestions. it says that 2009 was a bad year. omg, i so agree. mummy today called me, say that i really shouldnt have done what i did, make myself suffer only. good point, why torture myself.

my skin still not peeling lei, but then last few days v pain. sunburn better go away. just now i stare into mirror, i see my face chaotar like mad. damn long never see before liao, last time is during gb only.


i like my friends. i want spend more time with friends.

yay, tomorrow can see boonkai if i go. i want laugh at him hahahhaa. okay damn bad.

kao, i realise i posting like small kid. but nvm, i like :B

yubberyubberyubber, i miss my 'laogong'. though probably 'he' missing other people, so sad, hope got something come back from korea special special.

somehow right, the awkward feeling keeps coming back dk why ah. need to ger rid asap.

i drink my favourite bubbletea for like 2days in a row liao. peachiceblend ftw (Y) i wanted a different flavour, but stick to the old one better.

i listen to song now will bit sad. but then i hear zhiming&junhuang sing that time i will lolttm. because they sing like clowns. tomorrow should be will keep hearing again ah, i kinda like the 'ji4 de2' they keep singing. oh but when i hear english songs any song alone that time quite sad. shouldnt listen.

my blogpost dont make sense, maybe i tired. go sleep already if not will kena nagged at byebye.

green tree with a star.

today so normal, feel like im better waaaaaaaaaay better :) loves.
i like ben&jerry's chocolate macademia with nuts piled up with loads of love (or blood &sweat lolol) from my friends hehheh, thaaaaaaaaaaankyou again~! :B

though today started off on a wrong note, vvvvvvvvvv wrong. but then, i love my parents for being so sensitive, for loving me the way i am, for accepting me no matter how unreasonable i can get. (L) i'll get rid off all those unhappiness &move back to be my cheerful self, because i've found out how many amazing friends i have :]
i acty wanted to do a thankyou post to every single person who helped me in one way or another, but omg that's gonna be so long o.o

meanwhile, i hope granny's gonna be okay. that she'll be strong, that she'll face whatever comes along. she seemed in so much pain today.. D: but then i think i seemed to have failed as a grandchild. cancer's such a scary thing :/

_________________________________________

tomorrow shall go shop, then can be happy :D
sunday go watch movie, talk to friends even happier. i like my life now :}

christmas this year seems so different, so stale so weird. i've never had a more still christmas.

twisted thinkings.

idk how to say this.

im indignant, im annoyed, im disgusted.

it's just im everything you're not.

put in a dilemma

chelsia, you were awesome, loves :)
btw, my friend thinks you're awesome too :}

yesterday turned out to be a rollercoaster.

i never did much with debra ytd, we were talking/ texting/ going insane. i received more news than. it's like why why why. idk how else to express it. at that point of time, i was angered, pissed, annoyed.

then things happened, i was trembling damn badly. debra kept finding excuses for me, like im cold like marina's aircon's too strong &stuffs. but i know the reason myself.

dinner with her over steamboat, was like weird? because i was concentrating so much on texting my thoughts, my feelings, my everything. poor girl kept putting food on my table..
thankyou debra, you were lovely too :) love you much as well :>
&then it ended, at least i thought it did. truth be told, i was a little disappointed, or some other word, idk how to express myself.

so i carried on with steamboat then, happy happy, talking to debra about her life. crazy girl told me i missed a whole chapter of her life, it wasnt even a chapter-.- the incident at the mrt's was hilarious, totally. we laughed for like maybe 5 minutes about it. & we seriously felt damn stupid about it. but okay, good laugh :]

then i got home, after my battery dying on me. i was still happily using my computer, facebook-ing &whatnots. then yeah everything just happened again.

__________________________________________

last night i thought i was strong enough, to carry on with my moving on. then i still softened, in the end i still did. i felt like i failed everybody whom have been encouraging me these days, because i kept saying i'll do it i'll do it. then i wavered, upon that very text. i fought &struggled between my heart &my mind. but i chose still, to follow my heart- like before. that's when everything turned around. i remember posting " & from today onwards, i wont drop another tear of mine." i kept to it, right up to that point, that text. then i failed, so miserably. i gave in to my heart.
&chelsia's right. i lost this to nobody, i lost this to myself.
i felt like a fool, because even after constant reminders i still chose to follow my heart, which at this point is still weaker. i lost everything than.

but like what everything goes, i'll have to move on, still. no matter how hard it is. last night's still fresh within my head &it's evident within my eyes as well. but i'll learn from this mistake i've made. &i'll never get myself hurt again.

a new lease of life.

woke up bright & early today mainly due to the stomach of anger i still had, but whatever. it's a nice day :)

anw, it's time i started my engine, A level year. i can carry on being a boringgggggg person, studying for my A's, since that's what people can sit around and tell others hurhur. okay, wait. i thought i said to forgive &forget, damn. nevermind. to forgive requires time :D

i remember the last time i took about a year to forgive someone :B idk why i was so angered as well. and that person was like just you know... a friend? lol. okay maybe teensy weensy better than friend. this time round, omggggggg.
okay i shall forgive i shall forgive ~ i dont make sense in this post.

my shoulders are damn badly burnt thanks to yesterday. it's still red & it hurts throughout the night when i tried to sleep zz. i wanna be red in the face not shoulders. my face is like black o.o

heading out later with debrap to study, I THINK LOL. but i think we'll like just keep talking cos i havent seen her since like 10 years. okay not so exaggerated. esplanade library, let's see how this works out :)

i'm blogging everyday, weirdddddd.
p.s omg damn joke. andy just texted me asking where would my gb people & i wanna go on christmas eve so that he can have an idea for himself to see where he can go LOL.

not even worth a single jewel.

out today to sentosa. i thought i'll buckle i'll break, i dint. inner strength.

anw, debra just told me some news. &wow honestly my reaction was like almost to cry. but then again, it's completely not worth it. i mean afterall i'm sucha boring person. to think i thought that maybe maybe maybe i can carry on with life maintaining how things are now. hahahaha, what naive thinking of mine.

i'm moving on now, no matter how hard it is.

&from today onwards, i wont drop another tear of mine.

they call it the calm before the stormy seas.

quoted:
" if you love someone, you'll do everything best for the person. even if everything best means letting go. "

it's not gonna be easy, for me-for you. but i'll work according to that quote above because i want whats best for you. though it hurts, i'm willing to do it. ______________________________________ chelsia came to my house today. thanks alot. i saw the uncanny alikeness in certain things. &then i realised something. it's the way our minds work that result in doubt. implicit trust aint possible. but then again, without trust-nothing's possible?right/ wrong?

im surprisingly calm, weird.

boy, be strong.

im going insane

i have been having such horrible dreams these 2 days. &for people whom know me, i hardly dream- if i do, they're usually good. this is frightening. i even received quotes in the form of a text in the dream, wth is this all about. i need answers.

"people decide the time to sleep based on their tiredness, but you, my boy, you base it on hers."

somehow i feel like im falling apart inside. and im losing my appetite all over again.

my mind's a complete blank.

“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”

fickle minded

chelsia told me not to regret. & i guess i'll regret if i really locked this blog up. so screw it, i'm changing my mind again. keeping it open.

now why do i get the feeling that you're running away from me.

quote chelsia:

“You smile when you feel like crying. You act like you’re okay when you’re falling apart inside, and you let it go. You move on because there’s nothing else you can do.”

time waits for none, but you.

time to take a rest before progressing further.
am locking up my blog tonight until the time is right, nobody will be allowed access.

___________________________________________

i just saw my cousin &his wife exchange their marriage vows, so pretty and sweet. its funny how two strangers can just come together like they knew each other from their previous lives and then live together in bliss. issit just me, or does every single girl want something like that in their own lives?

somewhere out thr, a special someone.

its only one day, but it already feels like eternity.

back from my marathon. but thr's still my cousin's wedding tomorrow. i think i'm suffering from lack of sleep :O

i wanna go back bangkok suddenly. because that place helped me rebuild everything within me.

edited/}

ahhahaha, i just loaded my camera photos then i realised i had like so many old photos from my previous trips that i never uploaded o.o

endedit.

Everything happens for a reason

• Obs 7th-11th's over.
• Dhanabalan's the watch
• Food poisoning, my whole family kena.
• Despite sleeping so much, enjoyed the company loads.
• Final night's vegetable soup was (Y)!
• Thanks to every single dhanabalan member that made it possible :)

_________________________________________

Heading off to bangkok tonight, hoping i'll enjoy myself. Will be back on the 17th &18th's cousin's wedding. i've got so many sandfly bites on me, i'm itching all over.

i miss you, so much.

an invisible weapon that's deadly, it tears you up emotionally.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defences, you build up a whole suit of armour, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love take hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like "Maybe we should just be friends" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul- hurt. a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

got the above chunk from a friend's blog whom adapted it from an article of the newspaper. funny how accurate it is about love & yet we still allow ourselves to be encircled by this wonderful emotion.
i for one am willing to be the victim under its knife, oh the irony.

a gift from heaven

i headed down to army market with dearie today, shopping to do for obs :D

spent around 30 per pax. the journey down was damn farnie. i thought i was having an adventure with her (Y) ^^ because daddy-oh asked me to take the train to Lavender to walk, should have taken my own way from Bugis but so be it. happy time walking around with dearie (L)(L).

anw, headed down to plaza sing afterthat for dessert plus just acia :) dessert's still as good as before, but as sinful as before :O we then headed for just acia for dinner, omgz. hate the bloody waitress, hope she fails in her job thr dulan kia.

dearie thanks for taking time out today after choir to spend time with me, to do shopping for everything. (L) you're probably one of the few that can tell my actions apart from others in this school. really amazing how you deciphered my actions yummyyummy :D let's eat dessert again wheee~

ciao!

surely time wont wash away ties bonded so deeply.

anw, the bbq was yesterday :) after like i think weeks of talk but no action lol. at least it turned out pretty alright, scratch out the leftovers &the mud blahblah.

pictures talk more :D

but anyhow, thanks to all who appeared (L). i think i'm prepared to stick through another year in this school, even if the bunch might deplete. &i believe that i'll make it through, stronger than before.

funny how people actually can see through others so easily :O

i have a little dedication post to do to my dearie, after this. i'm surprised how transparent i appear to be in front of her, she acty can see through my actions lol.

bye